Feeling Blah...

Lately, I've been feeling just weird, undescribable. I feel that I haven't live to my fullest. Many different things have caused this feeling to come upon me. I feel sort of disappointed with myself. I hate how shy I am, I hate the low self-confidence and esteem I have. It's disappointing that I have lived what are supposed to be the "best" and in my opinion the most enjoyable "teen" years of my life with these things hindering me. I've never been able to express myself in certain situations and I try to cover my low self-confidence about myself with humor and atention craving actions. See, looking back on these high school years as we draw so near to the next era in our lives I feel disappointed that these aspects that I could not seem to break restrained me so much, withheld me from achieving certain goals. I am saddened by the fact that I lost soooo many opportunities to experience so many different things that are now fading into the past. All I have left are "what if's" and "if only's" and it makes me feel horrible thinking about what could have been and what I wished so intensely for. I can not always get what I want, but the worst feeling, is in knowing that I may have been able to reach certain desires and yet i held myself back, never to have that opportunity again.

I'm sorry for the depressing post (Probably not what you expected when you kept telling me to post, Kayla) but I figured I'd put it out there now because I think understanding and discussing what has and still hinders my life, will make it easier to overcome and break through these boundaries.

Again I apologize for the sad post, and I thank any of you who have read through this and took your time to get through this.

~Flick